Tuesday, 6 January 2009

This is ridiculous

It is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

I think I can't do any more what I'm doing. Well, I've been working in a English 'hagwon' which located in Daechi Dong, Gangnam, a Mecca of all those hagwon industries in this country, for about a week as a assistant instructor. It seems to me that this job has been such a stressful job for everyone, both students and workers (and even some teachers), and I really can't make up my mind to work any longer. Most of all, I feel guilty when I force so-tired-looking students to do more and more 'wasteful work' like memorizing that much difficult and useless words, urging them that you're not allow to go home unless you pass the test which I think ridiculous because it's totally based on a short-time memory. They look at me as if I'm a gaoler, and I'm in control of them, although I really do NOT think that I can control them. I can't and shouldn't control them. No one has a right to control their life. Their life, which should be as bright as their nature, decided on their hands. But the reality is that they are just living in a invisible prison.

I had exactly the same experience with them, although I didn't do anything specially to prepare going so-called High Quality school (or "Independent Private School", as our Education Ministry said) like they are doing, but I can understand what their situation is with all my heart. I was considering so seriously leaving school when I just went to high school, found no reason to stay. There was nothings to learn, nothings to expect from school. I was tired of being answering machine, answering what they asked me in five choice. Things are not that simple, I always thought.

After spending almost two years weighing up my choices, somehow I decided to stay and do what people wants me to do, even though I didn't think that is the only one way which is right. Undoubtedly there were number of other options, which supposed to be tough, and I think I simply had no intention to take a risk. I was not that brave person, (and am still is), so did put my all effort like everyone who had been doing the same thing over the last two years. SO what? I went to university which thought to be a 'reasonable' in this strictly rated university rank, met so great teacher, went into the New World, and here I am.

It is complicated matter. Public education system is just not enough to make everyone happy who is eager to make success by winning victory over others. It believed that you should get more and more score if you want to be a success. The score, which only tells you how your memory is good, in this century where creative person are needed. And it also as high as the money you put into. If you cannot afford to pay for additional class in hagwon, then you are less likely to get a good result. And there are thousand millions of hagwon with full of tired student, with the people who take their money from it. And even more and bigger industries beyond that. Things haven't been changed at all, and the pressure I had to take at that time is now on their shoulder in a same way.

I felt so sorry for them when one of my student told me what his daily life is. And after so long time, I'm worrying about this matter again, thinking that because once people get through these all kind of madness then no one wants to take this seriously and finally get used to play on this chessboard, nothing's gonna changed. Which is pessimistic.

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